Crypto, camo and karaoke: Trump’s military parade surprised everyone and impressed no one
Timed to mark the U.S. Army’s 250th anniversary—and, coincidentally, Donald Trump’s 79th birthday—the parade was meant to be a show of force and patriotism. Instead, it became a battleground of narratives, playing out both in the streets and across social media.
A parade… sponsored?
As units paraded by on Constitution Avenue, a narrator’s voice gave brief histories of each division. That same voice paused regularly for sponsor mentions.
“With thanks to our sponsor, Lockheed Martin,” it said, following a tribute to the 1st Cavalry Division. Coinbase and an energy drink company linked to UFC’s Dana White also made the list. The latter handed out free cans marked “screamin’ freedom.”
Corporate branding of military honour left many unsettled. “This is the kind of thing that Stalin would have done. This is the kind of thing North Korea does. It sickens me that we’re putting on this display just for one man’s ego,” said Donna Stork, 73, from Maryland, protesting the event.
Critics see political theatre, not tribute
Beyond the sponsorships and staging, many took issue with what they saw as the politicisation of the military.Trump used the event to project strength, declaring, “If you threaten the American people, our soldiers are coming for you. Your defeat will be certain, your demise will be final, and your downfall will be total and complete.”“Because our soldiers never give up, never surrender, and never, ever quit. They fight, fight, fight—and they win, win, win,” he added.
Some veterans attended in good faith. “I retired from the Army 30 years ago and I came to honour all the people that came before me, all the friends that I’ve lost,” said Van Beal, 70, who first joined the Army in 1978.
But others questioned the motives. A marching army parade timed with the President’s birthday felt wrong to some.
One protester displayed an eight-foot statue of Trump sitting on a toilet, declaring, “This is the only throne fit for this King.” The event ran parallel to nationwide “No Kings Day” protests, held in nearly 2,000 towns and cities to oppose Trump’s growing use of power.
The online verdict: ‘It’s lame’
As the spectacle unfolded, X (formerly Twitter) was flooded with criticism.
“Trump’s parade is boring,” one user wrote. Another raged: “The camera often pans to the ground for no reason. And the marching soldiers are not in step at all. Nobody seems to give a damn.”
Others noted that advertising for Trump-branded watches ran alongside the march. “Trump wasted money for the world to see that Americans can’t pull off a proper military parade,” said one angry post.
Another alleged, “Trump puts an ad out on Craigslist to pay people to sit in the bleachers for his lame military parade.”
Supporters defend the event
Not everyone agreed.
Paul Scott, a Trump supporter from Dallas, said, “You’re a part of the tired media. We are exhausted with you. We love hearing that you personally think that Donald Trump is North Korea’s dictator. You’re insane, not me.”
Inside the security cordon, around 250 elite Trump donors sang Happy Birthday to the President. Outside, protest signs read: “Electile Dysfunction,” “Turd Reich,” and “They’re eating the checks, they’re eating the balances.”
Tanks, but no thanks
A World War II Sherman tank was among the few heavy military assets on display. It squeaked slowly past silent bleachers, its ageing wheels louder than the clapping.
To some, the moment was symbolic. “A perfect metaphor for Trump and MAGA’s hollow pageantry,” one commentator wrote.
Trump’s military week raises questions
The parade came after a turbulent week. Trump sent troops to Los Angeles to suppress what officials called “minor” protests. At Fort Bragg, he gave a partisan speech, attacking political rivals while flanked by uniformed soldiers.
This blending of military imagery with political messaging deepened concerns. Critics argued the parade was less about honouring service and more about bolstering Trump’s personal brand.
Still, for some veterans and loyalists, it was a moment to recognise military history—even if the crowd was small, the execution uneven, and the applause muted.
Meanwhile, outside the embassy: “Where is Asim Munir?”
Away from the birthday bash, Pakistani Americans gathered outside their embassy in Washington. They were protesting the alleged secret visit of Pakistan’s Army Chief, General Asim Munir.
The White House insisted no foreign dignitaries had been invited to the parade. Yet protesters remained convinced.
“Where is Pakistan Embassy hiding Asim Munir?” one flyer read. Activists labelled him the “Butcher of Islamabad,” accusing him of constitutional violations and human rights abuses.
Digital vans circled the city with messages denouncing Munir. Meanwhile, pro-Munir billboards appeared in Times Square, fuelling speculation that he was indeed in the U.S.
Saturday’s event captured a growing polarisation in the U.S.
What was meant to celebrate two historic milestones—the Army’s founding and a former President’s birthday—ended up sparking fierce protests, digital mockery, and questions about the military’s role in politics.
In the end, there were fireworks. Lee Greenwood sang. And Trump stood with Melania, smiling as the sky lit up. But beneath the surface, the country felt anything but united.